Shadow Series: Exploring Your Relationship with Touch Work
This shadow work series is intended to make you think about your own personal relationship with a part of our industry.
What are the hidden beliefs that you carry and impact how you do your work?
Who or what is influencing your beliefs?
The goal is to answer this for yourself so that you can more intentionally be the type of healer you want to be.
Hands + Touch as Tools
Touch and the use of hands are archetypal images associated with The Healer. Jesus healed by laying his hands on his disciples. Surgeons rely on their hands to perform detailed, precise work. In Ancient Rome and Greece, massage was depicted as a healing modality. Even ET used his glowing finger to heal!
To put it simply, we inherently know when we see touch depicted that it is for the purpose of making the person being touched feel better, loved or safe.
Hands are depicted in art, literature, etc. in gestures that have universal meaning. They are tools of communication with the ability to both send and receive information.
Our hands allow us to perform precise movements and apply force as necessary. They are complex systems and include over 17,000 touch receptors and free nerve endings for sensing pressure, movement and vibration.
Our hands can sense tension in the body as well as energetic vibrations. They can apply different levels of touch to soothe, activate the parasympathetic nervous system and release tension from muscles.
Touch Work
We know touch is beneficial, even if we don't fully understand how necessary it is to human development and survival... but it is often seen as something that is only done behind closed doors. There are types of touch that are acceptable in the public eye, and types of touch that are not.
Touch workers are often stigmatized because of negative associations with the exchange of money for touch.
It is acceptable to see a mom embracing their child in public, yet mothers are still told not to over touch their children or it will spoil them, make them needy, etc. They are also told not to breastfeed their children in public because it makes people uncomfortable, even though it is one of the primary ways that mothers bond with babies.
It is acceptable to see a couple holding hands in public, yet we cringe when we see them kissing. At some point we have decided that too much PDA is not ok.
Because of touch starvation it is a natural next step to see the introduction of touch therapies. Yet, when someone mentions "cuddle therapy" the first thought is often "sex work."
Traditional touch therapies - body work (massage), facials, hair, etc. - are still seen as less valuable career paths. Does the collective unconscious associate these with sex work? Is it because these are paths traditionally chosen by women? I think this is a very important cultural and social element that we don’t really pay attention to, often because we are so caught up in just trying to make it through each day. But almost all of us in the touch industry have experienced the stigma and shame that comes along with explaining what we do to others who very obviously look down on us because they do not see the value in what we do.
Does society just hate things that make you feel good? Seriously... what do we have against cuddling, holding babies, PDA, etc? What makes us so uncomfortable with seeing others touch?
As estheticians (or hairstylists, nail techs, massage therapists, energy workers, whatever you consider yourself), we primarily work with touch. But the art of touch is dying away in favor of machines, and more and more we give our power away to an external force (often in exchange for large amounts of money when it comes to technology in the treatment room). The question I ask myself most is, “WHY?”
Shadow Work Prompts
In your own journal, whatever that looks like to you (paper or digital), answer these questions honestly. Add whatever you need to really explore what your relationship is to touch - what are the views you carry? Do these views serve your career as a touch worker, or do they bring you harm? How did you acquire them?
1. How does it make me feel to see other people touching in public?
2. What is the point where I would turn away from seeing others touch and say, "I don't want to see that"?
3. How did I feel the first time I had to touch a client?
4. Do I have any fears about touching people?
5. Do I have any fears or issues with being touched?
6. Are my views related to touch informed by trauma?
7. What type of touch do I find the most relaxing?
8. What should the touch of a caregiver feel like emotionally; what should it communicate?
9. What should touch feel like physically? What should someone’s hands feel like (nails, hands, gloves, etc)? What is the pressure like?
1o. How do I prepare to touch people daily? What can I implement?
11. When I touch people, what types of things can I feel? What can I pay more attention to?
12. Do I show myself touching people on social media?
13. Do the people I follow show touch on social media?
14. Am I scared of massage or feel like I don't understand massage techniques?
15. Are there certain people or body types I am more scared to touch?
16. Do I avoid massage because I don't feel comfortable doing it? Did I avoid it in school because I didn't feel comfortable doing it?
17. What do I feel like I need for my treatments or work with clients to be successful?
If something about this resonates with you and you want more information, here are a few resources:
The Healing Power of Hands - 1 hour recorded video + presentation on this topic and why hands are so important to what we do
The Healer + The Witch - 4-part series, including The Healing Power of Hands, on how to embody the healer and witch archetypes in your beauty + wellness business
Holistic Esthetics Subscription - weekly recorded classes on Zoom blending shadow work + spirituality with traditional esthetics theory topics
The Power of Touch - podcast with a small snippet of the recorded class linked above